It has been almost three years since Jenna was diagnosed. During that time I started running as a way to cope and deal with my anxiety surrounding her battle with cancer. In the darkness a dream has started to emerge. It started small and has now grown into a full fledged crazy dream. I have this image in my head of finishing a marathon with her waiting at the finish line.
Maybe I have this dream because I want to do something challenging and difficult because I can't fight her battle for her and maybe this idea of taking on a monumentally demanding task of running 26.2 miles makes it feel like I am doing something. Maybe crossing the finish line with her watching will provide some sort of relief or even erase the last three years. I wonder if this idea of crossing the finish line in a race provides closure to this chapter.
Here is the thing. Crossing the finish line won't provide closure and I know that. However, this dream won't go away. Maybe that is because I want to do something to show Jenna that I love her. I don't know how much time we will have together and this dream now follows me wherever I go. So now I will go for it. I will take action to make this dream a reality.
There are two opportunities to fulfill this dream. One marathon in May and another in June. Jenna was in a trial for her recurrence and is no longer able to continue as her lab results are outside of the limits of the trial which means we are in limbo until we get the results of her CT scan. I don't know what her treatment will be moving forward, how that will impact her, and how that would coincide with training for a marathon.
Today I started a long training program which will provide some flexibility and when we know more about her treatment and how she is progressing I will be able to determine which race to run.
Coming off a 100 mile month of November and an 8 miler yesterday today started with cross training and I added some weight training. We just purchased a Vitamix so back to the smoothies for breakfast.